


The Love We Deserve

by Frosty_Marauders



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Anxiety, But turns 18 during this, Date Rape Drug/Roofies, Eventual soft starker feels, Howard Stark was a very bad parent, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, M/M, Mentions of Pedophilia, Mentions of incest, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Obadiah Stane is a piece of shit, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Past Child Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Sexual Abuse, Past use of sex to 'fix' sexuality, Pepper is a good friend, Peter is 17 in the beginning, So is Skip Westcott, Suicidal Thoughts, There is rape between Peter and Tony, This Was Supposed To Be A One Shot, Tony Blames Himself, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony has panic attacks, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, but because Skip forced Tony, i promise it'll get better, if needed, this is dark, use of alcohol
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-12
Updated: 2020-10-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:35:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26417308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Frosty_Marauders/pseuds/Frosty_Marauders
Summary: Peter and Tony find themselves kidnapped. After they are found, there's a tough road to recovery in front of them. Will they get better? And what happens when new feelings start to develop?Thank you to Vaguekiwi on Tumblr for being the beta on this fic!
Relationships: May Parker (Spider-Man) & Peter Parker, Pepper Potts & Tony Stark, Peter Parker/Tony Stark
Comments: 5
Kudos: 44





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Beware the tags. Like really. Read them.  
> This is a very very dark fic.  
> It'll get better eventually though.
> 
> Warnings for this chapter: rape, Tony is forced to rape Peter, non-consensual drug use

The last thing he could remember was the mission. They thought it was over, thought they had won, but they were wrong.  
His helmet had been down, everyone knew he was Iron Man, there was no reason to keep it up when the battle was over and he wasn’t up in the sky.  
Something hit him in the back of the neck, a prick, and then nothing. Everything went black.  
So he had no idea where he was now, except that it wasn’t where he should be.  
He tried to get up immediately but he was strapped down, he could barely move. Getting up would be hopeless.  
“What do you want?” Was anyone here? He had no clue. But there was a chance someone was and, if so, he wanted to know who and why he was here.  
He wasn’t dumb, he knew he likely wouldn’t get an answer to the question, but it was worth a shot.  
He didn’t have his suit, they must have figured out how it retracted. So they must have it somewhere here, unless they already sold it.

He heard a laugh and then footsteps, they stopped a few steps from his head so that he still couldn’t see them.  
“Mr. Stark. You don’t know me, my little Einstein does, and you will shortly.  
You have two options here, I can go ahead and do as I wish or, you can do to him what I tell you to instead. I’ll let you decide.” He could almost hear the smirk in the male’s voice.  
Then there were footsteps, and the sound of a door closing and locking.

So, the man had someone else too, but the question was who, and what did the man want done? He didn’t know if he should just... do it, to try to minimize the pain of whatever the man was going to do.  
But would the man just ask him to do worse? Maybe that was why he had a choice.

—————————————————————

The metal of the chains was strong, that's why he couldn’t get out. He was pretty sure they were vibranium.  
He’d recognized Skip’s voice immediately, and his laugh. Both of which were still in his nightmares some days.  
His suit was gone, he wasn’t wearing anything, and it only occurred to him after he heard Skip’s footsteps leave the room that the man knew he was Spider-Man.  
He could still remember every touch of Skip’s hands, and that was at least 6 years ago.  
The nickname Skip had given him, Einstein, sent shivers down his spine.  
How had Skip found him again? And what was he going to do now that he had?

—————————————————————

It was only an hour later, Skip and the people who were technically in charge wanted to make them wait and wonder, and get anxious.  
When the hour was up they were both moved into the same room, Tony first.  
They sedated and undressed him, then moved him to the room and put him in a chair, securing his wrists to the arms and his ankles to the legss.  
Then the chair was secured against the wall.

Then, while Tony was still sedated, they sedated Peter and moved him into the room.  
They put him on a table on his back, and tied his wrists above his head and his legs so they were spread.  
The wheels of the table were locked and the table was sideways in front of Tony, so he could see Peter’s face and what Skip was doing.

—————————————————————

It wasn’t long before they both woke up and, as expected, began to struggle. No one else was in the room, just them, and Tony’s mouth went dry when he saw Peter tied up.  
His eyes were on Peter’s face but he couldn’t help it as they wandered down, taking in Peter’s spread out body. Tony’s eyes returned to Peter’s face in time to see him blush brightly and look away.  
Tony could feel the blush on his own cheeks and he looked away from Peter.  
He was about to say something, ask if he knew who these people were, but the door opened before he could and someone walked in.  
It was the same male as before, except now Tony could see his snowy white hair and the evil smirk. 

Peter seemed to struggle more when the man walked in, like he was panicking, which Tony wouldn’t be surprised by. The man had said ‘his little Einstein’ knew him, Tony had connected those dots as soon as he saw Peter.

The man turned and addressed Tony.  
“Now, I want some fun, some friends of mine though... they want money, so we’ve come to an agreement. You can let me do as I wish a few times and just watch, give my friends a few billion or so, and then you two will be free to go.  
Or, I can do what I want, and you can pay me to stop after I go a round with him.” Of course, Skip was pretty sure Tony would choose the second option, and he had a fun plan in the works for such an occasion.

Peter was crying, Tony saw that when he looked at him. Tears were running down his cheeks and he looked like he’d given up on escaping.

“I’ll give you and whoever else the money, just at least let Peter go.” Who knew what this man had done already, either recently or in the past, but Tony knew if he didn’t try to get Peter out of here... any pain Peter went through, that would be on him.

The man laughed and grinned. “Oh, no. That wasn’t the deal.” He got a small bottle of something and Tony felt his blood run cold as the man let his jeans and boxers drop. Sure, this being what the man was going to do to Peter had definitely been a strong possibility, but now that it was about to happen...

“Stop! I’ll do it, I’ll pay you whatever you want, just don’t hurt him.” Maybe he should’ve thought it wouldn’t be that easy, but he just didn’t want Peter to get hurt. Not if there was anything he could do.

Again, the man just grinned. “I get a go at him first,” Then he could follow through on his plan. He was glad it had worked.  
If Peter, his little Einstein, was anything like when he was younger... then he was glad he was making sure he got to fuck him at least once. He knew from experience the kid felt amazing.

Tony wanted to make the man stop, wanted to escape and free Peter before anyone could hurt him. But he couldn’t. He was helpless in this situation. All he could do was watch as Skip put some of the lube on his cock and prepped Peter a little, probably just enough that it wouldn’t be uncomfortably tight, and started to fuck him.

The man was moaning, and covering Peter’s mouth with one hand so his screams and sobs weren’t as loud. Peter was in obvious pain, from the low amount of prep, and he was pleading with the guy, who he called Skip, which gave Tony a name, to stop.

All Tony could do was watch.

And maybe he was sick, because seeing Peter getting fucked, and seeing him look all fucked out, turned him on. When it definitely shouldn’t.  
Peter looked so... pretty, all fucked out, and Tony couldn’t help how he reacted. His mind was screaming that this was wrong, but his body had a brain of its own.  
It just made him even more guilty than not being able to do anything at all.

—————————————————————

Skip finished eventually, it felt like an eternity.  
Peter’s whole body was stinging, his wrists and ankles hurt from being restrained, and he felt like he was going to throw up when Skip made him lick blood and semen and traces of lube off his cock.

—————————————————————

Then there was a click, and the table he was on moved. It also lowered some, and Tony realized what the guy was going to do seconds before he felt a prick in his neck and he blacked out again.

When Tony woke up, Peter had been moved so he was pressed flush against Tony, and Tony’s cock was inside him. The table had been stopped like that, and while Tony could shift a little, that just made Peter whimper.

It took Tony a bit too long to realize there was something in his arm, a needle, and it was injecting something into his system. A purpley liquid that he didn’t recognize and therefore had no clue what it did.  
But it didn’t take a genius to realize it was probably some kind of sexual stimulant. And that it was working.  
Though, maybe it wasn’t just the liquid.

He couldn’t move at all, he was stuck with his cock buried completely inside Peter, and it felt amazing. But he wanted, and was starting to need, to move. Right now he could barely do anything.

It didn’t take much to realize this was all planned. Either Skip or one of his ‘friends’ wanted to make Tony beg them to let him fuck Peter. All while Peter was listening, and already felt violated.

He didn’t know how much longer he lasted before it got to be too much. It didn’t help that Peter struggled a little against the binds around his wrists and ankles, wiggling around him a little.  
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” he said to Peter, who looked at him with tear-filled eyes before his head fell back to the table.

He hated this, hated the ‘I’ve won’ grin on Skip’s face as Tony had to ask, pretty much beg, to be able to fuck Peter. With every word that left his mouth he just wanted to stop talking, but the feeling was too much.

He was weak.

Skip eventually unlocked the wheels of the table, starting to move the table a bit back and forth.  
Tony felt horrible, but he couldn’t help the moans that left his mouth, even when he heard the whines and sobs leaving Peter’s.  
Eventually Skip locked the table again, where just the head of Tony’s cock rested in Peter’s hole.  
He could, and did, buck his hips. He wasn’t able to go very fast which was a good thing, because if he did he would just feel even more guilty at making Peter hurt.  
It only took a minute or so of thrusting before he couldn’t hold back anymore and the feeling of pleasure rushed through him like a wave. He moaned as he came inside him.

He couldn’t pull out of Peter fully, even though he was trying now that the efforts of the stimulant, which he was still hooked up to, were less noticeable.  
He knew it wouldn’t take long before the all-consuming pleasure came back.

Tony just had to hope they were freed or rescued before then. Well, rescued. Freed didn’t seem like an option until Skip and his friends had had their fill of entertainment. Which he knew was him and Peter.

The wave of pleasure Tony had felt pretty much less than a minute ago had been replaced with overwhelming guilt.  
How would he ever be able to make things right? Between him and Peter? He knew the answer. He couldn’t.  
He was like his father more than he wanted to admit, and now... now that was even more apparent. He couldn’t control himself and... and he was raping someone who was like a kid to him. Just like his father had...  
He knew Peter would never forgive him, no one who found out would. Hell, May would probably kill him for hurting Peter. And if she did, he knew he deserved it.  
He was hoping she would. That she wouldn’t care, or know, that he didn’t want to be doing any of this, and would just kill him anyway.

He held onto that feeling of guilt, trying to use it to override the feeling of nearly overwhelming lust that was already starting to come back.

It didn’t work for long.

But lucky for him, well... more Peter than him. It was Peter who would’ve gotten hurt, the door suddenly broke and someone rushed over to them.  
His mind was foggy but he knew it was Steve who started to work on unlocking the binds at his wrists and ankles.  
Someone else, Bruce by the sound of his voice, unlocked the wheels of the table to pull Peter a couple feet away then unlocked the things holding Peter down to the table.

Tony hadn’t noticed but Peter had passed out only a couple seconds or so before the door was broken in. His mind was just... too foggy. He would’ve normally noticed immediately but right now he was hardly noticing anything.

Bruce wrapped Peter in an extra shirt and Steve gave Tony his clothes that they’d found in the other room. He took them without question, another thing that surprised Steve and Bruce.

He tore the needle out of his arm but kept the needle, with some of the liquid still inside it. He knew they would have to make an antidote so that he could go back to normal sooner rather than later.  
At least then the overwhelming lust would be gone.  
He could normally control himself unless he was way too drunk. So this purpley liquid had to be strong if less than half a vial of it could overwhelm him to the point that he couldn’t control himself. Almost twice.

—————————————————————

“Nat and Clint are taking care of the kidnappers.” Steve said. Neither Steve nor Bruce seemed to want to bring up the fact that they had walked in on Tony and Peter tied up with Tony’s cock partway inside Peter’s hole, but he knew what they had to be thinking.  
That he needed a psychiatrist, he was sick, he was just like his father- no. Not the last one. Steve thought his father was a good person. Rhodey was the only one who knew what his father had actually done.  
Maybe if Steve knew he would say he deserved it, or that he was lying. Maybe he did deserve it.

They went back to the tower, Bruce took Peter to the Med Bay and started to try to heal him with some help from Helen Cho. He was torn up inside pretty bad, but... they’d seen worse wounds, at least in size.  
The way Peter had got the wounds... that worried them more. Because physical injuries were probably the least of Peter’s worries once he woke up.

—————————————————————

Tony got some coffee and went to his lab, locking himself inside and telling Friday that he wasn’t accepting visitors. He wanted to be alone. He wanted to put off them calling him a monster, even if he deserved it.

He wanted to ask Friday to tell him if Peter was okay but... he’d watched as Peter got hurt, and he’d done nothing. Then he’d hurt him more himself. He didn’t deserve to know.

He worked on an antidote for the purple liquid, which he managed pretty quickly since it wasn’t that complex of a chemical make-up. It was a much more potent, emphasis on much, version of some ED pill sold over the counter.

His mind was still foggy so he very well could have messed up on the antidote so it was lucky, or unlucky depending how you look at it, that when he drank it it worked without side effects... such as death.  
He knew there were risks with something he had done quietly but he simply didn’t care.  
He deserved to die. If he died by his own mistake and not May or one of the Avengers, then so be it.

————————————————————

Bruce and Helen managed to heal Peter, at least physically. Mentally... that would take some time, but they were both hopeful that he might eventually be okay. Might. And even then, it would take time. Probably lots of it.  
Steve called May and told her that they had found Peter, and that she could come to the tower if she wanted to see him. Mostly because Bruce didn’t want Peter leaving for a while, so they could keep an eye on him. Especially since he wasn’t even conscious yet.

It would be a day or two before Peter woke up, by Bruce’s guess, and then he would have to start talking to a therapist. Everyone on the team talked to one at some point or another, except Tony, who managed to get out of it since well, he was Tony.

As expected, May came and visited, and after she was given an explanation of what they knew, which was a lot because Skip gave in easily, she was furious. She was also horrified, because Skip had babysat Peter from seven to ten years old.. Had Skip hurt her baby boy then too?


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for this chapter: self blame, use of alcohol, past pedophilia

About a week later, Peter was up on his feet again but he hated people coming near him. Well... it was more that he hated men coming near him. He was fine with May and Natasha, and Pepper.  
Steve, Bruce, and Pepper had all tried to get Tony out of the lab but failed. They’d even called Rhodey, but he hadn’t been able to get Tony out either.  
So they gave up. They just got enough information from Friday to make sure Tony wouldn’t wind up dead.

Peter was starting to trust them again, a few weeks later. The therapist helped, and eventually Peter was mostly back to himself. Yes, he was more careful, and he normally slept on the ceiling and not in bed, and he hated the dark, but for everything that had happened... he was doing surprisingly well.  
The therapist hadn’t forced him to talk about any of it, but Peter started to after a couple weeks.

He talked through what had happened to him as a kid, how Skip had played this game with him. How he could remember every time Skip touched him, even all these years later.  
How he’d never told May because, to her, Skip was a good person. He would watch Peter, and didn’t really expect to get paid, and he was helpful when she and Ben didn’t have money for a babysitter but didn’t want to leave Peter alone.

Peter told her, about a month after he and Tony had been rescued. It was a long conversation, but... in the end he was glad he told her.  
It took awhile to convince her that what Skip had done wasn’t her fault, that Peter had purposefully made sure she didn’t know.  
But it felt good to no longer be hiding something that big from her.

He wasn’t completely okay, Peter knew that. He got nightmares most nights, and he jumped whenever someone came up behind him or if he got touched at all, even by people he trusted. He didn’t like being in locked or dark rooms, and he stayed on the ceiling whenever he wanted to feel safe.  
But the therapist said he was doing well, or at least well given the circumstances.

About a month after the ordeal, the therapist wanted to talk to Tony as well. He’d wanted to since he started to talk to Peter, but Tony was still in his lab most hours of the day.  
Tony would come out every now and then, but he would be back in the lab before anyone knew he had left.  
Pepper tried again to get him out, and he actually spoke to her this time, which was different from all the other times.  
He asked if Peter was alright, then stopped her before she could answer.  
He told her to tell Peter he was sorry, then closed the door in her face and locked it with a click.

She had been with Tony, they broke up on good terms and went back to being friends, but she knew him better than most other people. Except probably Rhodey.  
She knew Tony had been crying, and she could tell he hadn’t slept in days.  
The glimpse of the lab she had gotten behind Tony showed there was stuff everywhere, it was a complete mess. There were papers with plans of a bunch of different things, and some half-finished projects on his workspace. At least, the part Pepper had been able to see.

She told Peter that Tony said he was sorry. 

Peter looked at her from where he was reading a book in a web hammock on the ceiling. It made him calmer, knowing that no one could get him without him knowing.   
He seemed surprised, he knew Tony wasn’t really talking to people now, but he assumed it was because Tony had a lot of work or something. He hadn’t thought about it too much.  
They hadn’t told him the full why, or at least why they thought, Tony wasn’t coming out of the lab. Peter was already going through enough and no one wanted to risk that Peter might blame himself.

“He doesn’t... he doesn’t have anything to be sorry for. It wasn’t his fault.” Peter said this as if he’d thought about it for a while.  
Maybe he had.

Natasha knew the full story, she knew it had been Skip’s plan to completely ruin two superheroes at once.  
Natasha had told them they failed, even though Tony wasn’t coming out of his lab and Peter wasn’t able to be Spider-Man, not until he had completely recovered. Not until the therapist gave the okay.

Pepper started to leave food, water, and coffee outside the lab three times a day. Well, food and water three times, coffee once. Normally with the first meal.  
Every time she went to drop off another tray, the last one was gone. The dishes were piled daily outside the door.  
Pepper was just glad Tony was eating, although she knew he probably wasn’t eating all of it.

He wasn’t, at most he’d eat a third of each meal she left, although some days he would just eat a couple bites and toss the rest.  
Tony did try to drink all the water, but most of the time he just ended up getting absorbed in his work. It was a good distraction.

Tony couldn’t sleep unless he just passed out. Even then, he couldn’t sleep for long.  
He thought he’d gotten over it, that all the drinking he’d done when he was younger had made his past fade to blurriness. That what his father had done to him when he was a kid, what both his father and Stane had done to him when he was a teenager, wouldn’t affect him at all anymore.  
He felt like he was a kid again. He just wanted to cry, and he did. He hadn’t been able to help it.  
But his father’s words echoed in his mind: _Starks don’t cry. You’re pathetic. You’re weak._  
He could see his father, taunting him for crying because everything just hurt so bad.  
By the time he was 14, he hadn’t cried anymore, no matter what Stane or his father, or both of them, did.  
He cried when he found out his mother was dead, and he used his grief for her to hide the relief that his father was dead.

Even though Stane wasn’t.

Tony was 17 when his parents were killed, but it wasn’t until he was 21 that Stane stopped. Probably stopped. He could barely remember anything from his 20’s, and Stane could have very well continued.

When Stane died, Tony was relieved, glad that he was dead. But again, he hid that. He acted like he missed the man but really... he didn’t. At least... he missed him very little.  
He ended up drunk a lot after Stane had died, and that’s when Rhodey found out.  
Tony swore Rhodey to secrecy about it, and refused to speak about it again.

Then it had been women he met in bars, that was before Stane died, but he was pretty sure after the man stopped touching him. Stopped fucking him.   
He didn’t blame many of them, most of the time they believed he wanted it as well, sometimes he actually did. But a few... he’d wake up in the morning with a pounding headache he just didn’t get from alcohol. 

He’d just started to accept it, he would mess around and fuck pretty much any woman who wanted him. He thought that maybe, maybe that would fix him. He would stop liking men. He felt like he wouldn’t have anyway, if his father and Stane hadn’t done what they did.  
It never worked, so he just kept trying, all while ignoring his attraction to anyone that wasn’t female.  
Until he got with Pepper. That was when he changed.

Pepper had helped him start to accept himself for who he was. He never acted on any of the attraction he felt towards guys, but he wasn’t repulsed by it anymore either. It took awhile to get to that point, but he did get there.

Then both he and Pepper had decided if it was best if they just stayed friends.

That’s when the memories of his father started to come back, it was also when he started drinking again. Not as heavily, but he did break the sober streak he had had when he was with Pepper. That was all it really took to keep the memories down, keep a steady amount of alcohol in his system.

Then this happened. The abduction had meant no alcohol, so all the memories came rushing back to him. He’d been forced to watch as Peter was raped and had been drugged himself. He hadn’t been able to control himself and he had begged, pleaded, to be able to fuck- no. No. He’d begged to rape Peter.  
Tony was no better than any of them. He was no better than his father, or Stane, or Skip whatever-his-actual-name-was. If anything, he was worse than all of them.

Peter wanted to talk to him, at least that’s what the note Pepper had left with the tray by the lab door said.  
Tony knew the only reason Peter would want to talk to him was to say that he hated him.

So he crumpled up the note and threw it in the trash.

Then he actually started to get things done. He went through all the papers he had laying everywhere and put most of them away, he put the random spare parts away, he started to finish some of the projects he had half-finished.  
A new suit for Peter, on the slim chance that the boy would want anything to do with him ever again; a new set of bow and arrows for Hawkeye with special arrows that would return to the arrow holder and would be much harder to damage; and a new suit for himself.  
The one he had when he was abducted had been found, but it would take almost as much work to repair as it would to just make a new suit.

So he decided to make a new one.  
He left the bow, arrows, and quiver outside the lab door with a note to give them to Hawkeye.

Pepper left the same note again, about Peter wanting to talk to him. Tony crumpled this one up too.

Maybe he should just let Peter talk to him. He knew Peter would say he hated him, and that all this was his fault. And he deserved that.

Tony shook the thought from his head and continued to work on his suit. If the note came again... he would consider talking to Peter. But only Peter.

He didn’t eat anything that day, or the next. He only got the water and coffee from the trays. But then Pepper put the letter on the tray again. He ate a couple of bites, dumped the rest, and set the empty tray outside with his own note.

‘I’ll talk to Peter tomorrow. Just tell me what room and unless Peter wants, I don’t want anyone else to be there.’  
He didn’t want someone else to stop Peter from telling him this was all his fault. He wanted to know what Peter actually thought.

He made sure Peter’s suit and the web fluid was done and put it in a gift bag that he had in the lab, also adding a note. 

‘Peter,  
I’m sorry for everything. You don’t have to use this, but I know your suit wasn’t recoverable. There’s a manual, with how everything works. That or Karen can walk you through everything.  
I’m sorry about everything that happened, and I know I can’t fix any of it but I wanted to give you this.  
\- Tony Stark’

He planned to leave the bag after he had talked to Peter. 

He finished the plans for his own suit and started to work on it when there was a knock on the door.  
“Friday?” He asked.   
“It’s Pepper, sir.” She said and he stood to open the door. He knew she wouldn’t relent, and he wasn’t in the mood to hear constant knocking.

She seemed relieved when he opened the door.  
“Tony... it’s good to see you.” She said even though she was frowning a little. Probably because it was obvious he hadn’t slept or eaten in days.  
“He wants to meet you down here, about noon tomorrow... And he doesn’t blame you for any of what happened. You should clean up, and get a shower. He doesn’t know that you’ve been completely refusing to leave.” She said.   
She wanted to come in and help him get cleaned up, mainly because she wanted to try to talk Tony out of the guilt he was feeling. But she knew Tony would only even slightly believe it if it came from Peter. And even then... she knew Tony well enough to know he would probably never stop blaming himself for Peter getting hurt.

Tony didn’t believe her. He knew Peter blamed him. He wanted Peter to blame him. He needed Peter to blame him.  
It was Tony’s fault they’d gotten kidnapped, the guys had said they wanted money, and it was his fault he begged to- begged to... to rape Peter.  
He had begged to rape Peter, and there was no excuse for that, even with the stimulant in his system.

“I’ll be ready.” He said before shutting the door. Why would Peter want to meet him down here? Why would Peter even trust being in the same room as him after all he’d done?

He couldn’t stop thinking as he cleaned up more around the lab, putting everything away and hiding the gift bag with the new suit he had made for Peter.  
Then he went up to his room for the first time in a month. He would’ve been up there more but he had a bathroom down here with a shower, in case of lab accidents, which was really all he needed.  
He took a shower first, trying to stop thinking for the first time in a month but he just couldn’t.  
Tony already knew Peter was going to say everything was his fault, and he knew that was true, but he also knew how much it would hurt to hear Peter say it.

He got changed after he dried off from the shower, then got a bottle of scotch and a glass, both of which he kept in his room for reasons.  
It was his secret stash, one Pepper couldn’t get rid of.

He drank a few glasses, sitting on the bed and letting his thoughts and guilt completely take over, along with the memories of Stane and his father.  
He didn’t cry.  
He didn’t deserve to cry.  
Maybe he could go to a bar tomorrow, after he talked to Peter, and let someone take advantage of him. Pretend not to notice as they slipped something into his drink, or bought him enough drinks to leave him wasted either way.

Tony deserved it, deserved to let someone hurt him like he had hurt Peter.

He passed out a few hours later, the bottle of scotch nearly gone.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for this chapter: Nightmares

Peter had taken... a couple weeks to comprehend everything, then the majority of what he’d thought about for roughly a week had been Tony, as well as Skip’s plan.  
He knew there was a chance that someone, or even Tony himself, would blame Tony for what happened. But he knew that it wasn’t Tony’s fault, especially after thinking about it for a while.

Neither of them had wanted to be there, they both were really at Skip’s mercy, and Peter knew from experience that the man didn’t have a lot of it.

So he wanted to talk to Tony, let him know that he didn’t blame him for anything that had happened. Just in case Tony was blaming himself.

He wanted to meet Tony in the lab because he knew Tony had been staying in there most of the time since their rescue, so there was more of a chance Tony would be willing to talk to him.  
Part of Peter felt like Tony was avoiding him purposely, but he knew that was stupid. If Tony was just avoiding him, then he wouldn’t be staying in his lab all the time.

Peter knew Pepper and the others weren’t telling him everything, and he realized that Tony wouldn’t be down in the lab almost 24/7 for a month if he was just working on projects.  
He wanted to see how Tony was doing.

Something had leaked over the past month, about Skip and about how Peter and Tony had been found.  
A lot of people had had a field day with that. Some had wanted Tony dead or in jail, some had thought that there was more to the story, some had tried to push for Tony to have a press conference about what actually happened.  
And they’d all noticed Iron Man’s absence.  
That just caused another field day.  
More people thinking that Tony deserved to be in prison or dead, and some thinking that he agreed with that, that maybe he was already dead. After all, he hadn’t been seen since he and Peter had been rescued.

It wasn’t good, but no one had told Tony about it, and everyone had tried their best to keep the majority of it from Peter.

Peter had found out about most of it, it was all over the internet within a day or so of the articles being published, but he hadn’t read a lot of them. He’d only skimmed the headlines.

Part of him wished that Tony would go out in public, just so people would see he wasn’t dead, but he also knew that that could just make things worse.

Peter was glad when Tony agreed to talk to him. He didn’t ask for anyone to be with him, because he knew Tony wouldn’t hurt him. He knew Tony hadn’t wanted to the first time.  
Pepper had told Peter about what had been put into Tony’s system, which Peter hadn’t been surprised by. Skip liked seeing people suffer, it was fun for him, so no wonder he would do something to ensure his plan worked.  
Peter didn’t blame Tony for any of it, he blamed Skip and Skip’s friends, yes, but he did not blame Tony.

He kept checking the clock, even though he wouldn’t be meeting Tony until tomorrow at noon, which was after his appointment with the therapist at ten.  
The therapist thought it was a good idea for Peter and Tony to talk, at least for Peter. He didn’t know how it would affect Tony, but he wanted to meet with Peter first anyway.

It was already ten at night. He didn’t realize it was that late.  
“Friday? Can you dim the lights in this room to 20% please?” Peter asked and smiled when the lights dimmed.  
Peter got comfy in the web hammock he had made on the ceiling and went to sleep, after double checking he still had his web shooters on. He knew he should try to sleep, even though he would probably wake up from a nightmare in a couple hours.

Peter was right. He woke up at about one AM, his heart racing and the only thing he could think about was that Skip was going to find him again, but this time he wouldn’t be rescued.  
It took him a couple minutes to calm down and convince himself he was safe, as long as he stayed in the tower.  
That everyone here would do their best to keep him safe.

He didn’t want to bother anyone, so he stayed in the web hammock. The only one who knew about his nightmares was the therapist, who had recommended he tell Bruce or Dr. Cho and get some kind of medicine to take.

But Peter hadn’t wanted to rely on medicine, so he kept the nightmares to himself and just tried his best to sleep every night.  
Sometimes he was able to go back to sleep after a nightmare, after being awake for an hour or so, but sometimes he couldn’t.

He wore his web shooters under his sleeves almost 24/7. They made him feel safer. That he could get away if he was in danger, or he could web the threat up.  
Or he could get things without coming down from the ceiling if he didn’t want to.

He used a web to grab a book.  
“Friday? Please up the lights to 40%,” he said softly.  
Having the lights at 100% hurt his eyes, but he preferred to always have the lights on. It made him feel like there was less of a chance someone would surprise him.

Peter smiled when the lights brightened.  
“Thank you,” he said and opened the book, starting to read.

He ended up reading for an hour or two then going back to sleep. He didn’t wake up until 7 AM, the time he told Friday to always wake him unless told otherwise, and luckily he didn’t have another nightmare.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: suicidal thoughts

Tony was passed out, the alcohol in his system helping him stay blacked out and not dream of anything, until there was a knock on his bedroom door.  
He groaned and woke up, wondering who was at the door. He was assuming it was Pepper, she was the only one who would have any idea he was in his room and not his lab.

“What?” He groaned, his head pounding. He almost couldn’t remember why but the empty bottle of scotch beside him was a pretty big clue.  
He hadn’t drunk that much in a single... night? Afternoon? Whatever it was, since before he was with Pepper.  
Well, there goes that.

Pepper didn’t knock again, she just walked in, sighing when she saw him. Part of her, most of her, wanted to drag him to the therapist. But she knew Tony would just lock himself in his lab or room and refuse to talk to her, or at least she was pretty sure of it, if she tried to do that.

“You need to get a shower, and some food and water.” She told Tony. She wished he would stop with the drinking but she knew he probably wouldn’t.

“‘M fine Pep.” He said and looked up at her.  
Tony knew he wasn’t. He felt groggy and his head was pounding, and he felt like he wanted to throw up.

“I’ll get you some medicine. Remember, you have to meet Peter in the lab at noon.” Pepper said and left to go get some medicine that would help with the nausea and headache she knew Tony had.  
She’d tried to get rid of all his alcohol for this very reason, but that was one of the problems with Tony being a billionaire. He could just buy more whenever he wanted.

She came back with a glass of water and the pills, of Tony and Bruce’s creation, and gave them both to Tony, who was already sitting up when she returned.  
He started to feel better pretty quickly, enough so that he could stand without feeling like he was going to throw up or pass out.

“Go take a shower and get changed.” Pepper said, giving Tony a look that said she would force him if she had to.

“Fine Pep. Then I’ll go back to the lab. Did you give Clint the new bow and arrows?” Tony asked, getting a towel and clothes.  
Her being here helped, mostly with keeping his mind off of what he knew Peter was going to say to him. But he did have another question: why hadn’t she gotten mad at him yet? He’d hurt Peter, who he knew she loved and was protective of, and he’d started drinking again.  
Why wasn’t she mad at him? Why wouldn’t people just get mad at him? He knew he deserved it...

“I did. He told me to tell you he tried them, and that they work well.” She said. There had been a mission where Clint had used them, but she didn’t want to tell Tony that. She didn’t want him to try to push himself to join missions again when he obviously wasn’t ready for that.

He nodded and went to the bathroom to take a quick shower.  
Tony hadn’t used his phone in weeks, he didn’t want to know what the media was saying about him. Because if they weren’t saying anything, he would probably just leak what he had done anyway, without mentioning Peter of course. And if they were talking... well, he didn’t like when he had to agree with the media, especially about himself.  
So he didn’t have his phone, or a watch, on him. Which meant he had absolutely no clue what time it was.  
He just had to hope he wasn’t late for getting back to the lab. He knew Peter was just going to blame him, which he deserved, and he hadn’t even thought of another possibility or what Peter would say, but he still didn’t want to make Peter wait.

So despite the fact it was early in the morning, he took a quick shower, even quicker than the ones he took in the small shower in the lab, and got dressed in nice but casual clothes.  
They’d been tailored to fit perfectly a few weeks before he and Peter had gotten abducted, but now they were loose. Not too loose that they looked bad but still looser than he liked.

He’d have to get new clothes if he didn’t die or kill himself by the time he wanted to leave the tower.

He used a razor to clean up his appearance so he didn’t look like he hadn’t been taking care of himself at all, then combed his hair and put on some cologne.

Tony then went back down to the lab, making sure to avoid everyone who was already up, and checked the time.  
It was only 9:30, which was sooner than he expected, and meant he had about two hours to do some work on his new suit.

The planning was mostly done, but Tony still had to build it.  
He had mostly built it yesterday but he set it to the side, because it had some pretty major flaws. He must not have been entirely focused as he was working on it yesterday.

He started on a new one, concentrating on it completely and refusing to let himself think of anything else. He followed his planning, making a few adjustments here and there. By the time it hit noon he barely realized an hour passed.

Friday told him Peter was on his way and that shocked him out of his concentration.  
He moved the partially done suit from his work area and sat back down just seconds before there was a knock on the lab door.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: self-blame (but really... that's probably going to be there for awhile)

Peter was nervous but... he had to do this. And talking to Tony wasn’t why he was nervous. He was nervous that he would panic when he actually saw Tony.   
Even the therapist thought that maybe he would react badly to seeing Tony in person, but he had said that wasn’t very likely as long as Peter made sure he left if he got uncomfortable.  
He could think or talk about him just fine but talking to Tony in person, or at all, that would be... different. 

Peter stood at the door to the lab, the one he hadn’t been near in over a month, and it took him a few seconds before he knocked.

Peter hoped that Tony hadn’t forgotten about him coming down to the lab today.

“Come in.” A voice he hadn’t heard in awhile called out. Tony’s voice. Except it wasn’t warm and happy like it normally was when they worked in the lab together, like they had every Saturday and sometimes other days before they’d been kidnapped.

Peter shook away the thought and opened the door, walking in.  
The lab was neat. Too neat. Normally there were papers here and there and current projects on the work stations. But... other than some tools and spare parts on Tony’s main workbench and a partially done project next to it there was nothing.  
It felt odd, seeing the lab like that.

“I wanted... I wanted to talk to you.” Peter said, looking at Tony.  
He just kept noticing more things that were wrong. The lab being too neat, the fact that Tony hadn’t spoken since he’d told Peter to come in, or that he looked thinner than normal. Tony was closed off, like he was trying to hide everything he was thinking.

“I just wanted to tell you that none of what happened was your fault. And I wanted to see how you were doing. Pepper and the others are worried about you. And the therapist wants to talk to you.” Peter said. He knew that Tony had refused to talk to a therapist in the past, and probably would now too, but... he just wanted Tony to talk to him, even if it was just a few words.

Tony frowned a bit at that. “I’m not talking to a therapist.” He said before he fully comprehended everything Peter had said.  
Then it hit him. Peter didn’t blame him, or at least he said he didn’t.  
His eyes searched Peter’s face, desperately looking for some sign that Peter was just saying that to make him feel better, but all he could tell was that Peter was telling the truth. Or at least, what he believed to be the truth.

Tony shook his head. “No. No...” he mumbled. “I hurt you, Peter. I- I begged to- you _have_ to blame me.” He sounded broken, like the only thing he’d been sure of had just been turned upside down.

Peter looked at him, flinching when Tony brought up the begging.  
“Tony. They drugged us both, you especially, and it was Sk- their fault. They wanted you to do that. They forced you to.” Peter said. Saying Skip’s name... it still sometimes just made him feel... scared.  
There had been drugs in his system, ones that would weaken him and make it harder for him to struggle or escape.

Tony looked confused, like Peter was talking in another language.   
He could understand what Peter was saying but he couldn’t believe it at all.  
He shook his head and stood, getting the gift bag and giving it to Peter.  
“Take this. I- I have to go.” Tony left before Peter could say anything else.

Peter wanted to stop Tony from doing anything dumb. Because now that he knew Tony thought what had happened was his fault...  
But he didn’t stop him. Maybe Tony, and he hoped but doubted this was right, was just going to go somewhere and think.  
Peter tried to ignore how unlikely that was. Tony had already been in the lab thinking for the large majority of the last month.

But then Peter thought of the bag. What was in it? Had Tony made something for him to try to say sorry, before he knew that Peter didn’t blame him?

He opened the bag and looked at what was inside, shocked and surprised at first but then smiling. The new suit looked amazing, even better than the last one Tony had given him. There were new web shooters and enough web fluid to last a long time, but both the suit and web fluid would work with his current web shooters, in case he didn’t want to change to the new ones.  
The suit was awesome, and he wanted to try it right away. Even if he wouldn’t be going on missions for awhile.  
He saw a book with it, a manual, then he saw the letter.

‘Peter,  
I’m sorry for everything. You don’t have to use this but I know your suit wasn’t recoverable. There’s a manual, with how everything works. That or Karen can walk you through everything.  
I’m sorry about everything that happened, and I know I can’t fix any of it but I wanted to give you this.  
\- Tony Stark’

He frowned as he read it.   
Tony didn’t have to be sorry, and why wouldn’t he use the suit? Sure, he wasn’t going on missions right now, but it wasn’t like he couldn’t train in it. Did... did Tony think he wouldn’t use it because he thought Peter blamed him for everything that happened? That seemed like the most likely idea. Especially since Peter now knew how much Tony blamed himself...  
Peter smiled for a second at the mention of Karen. Having her walk him through everything would be nice. Maybe he would do that and read the manual.  
The smile dropped again when Tony apologized again, and said he couldn’t fix it. There was nothing for Tony to fix...  
At least to Peter there wasn’t.

Peter put the suit in his room and went to go find Pepper. Maybe she would be able to find Tony and make sure he was okay. He really hoped Tony hadn’t gone and done something that would endanger himself. If he had, Peter could only blame himself for talking to the older man in such a fragile state.  
He knew Tony could take care of himself, he had for most of his life, but Peter couldn’t help but question if he would.

Peter hadn’t really thought about it much, and had avoided doing so, but... he liked Tony. He didn’t want the man hurt, and he... he wanted to be near him.  
He hadn’t thought a lot about his feelings in the past month, the therapist had said he just had to focus on himself right now. And on getting better.  
Peter hadn’t told the therapist about his feelings, but... he had a weird feeling the therapist knew.

Over the last month his feelings hadn’t gotten weaker, if anything they had gotten stronger, even though Tony had been forced to... do things to him.

Peter shook his head. He really shouldn’t be thinking about this when Tony might be in trouble.

He found Pepper talking to Steve about something. Probably a meeting of some sort.  
He wasn’t as wary around the other team members anymore, or anyone who lived here in the tower, but basically everyone was still careful around him, trying to make sure he was never uncomfortable. 

When they noticed him they stopped talking, but he’d already heard enough to know it was something about a mission, which was something no one liked to talk about around him.  
Peter was pretty sure that was because they didn’t want him to feel left out.

He kept getting distracted, which was another reason the therapist hadn’t cleared him for missions.

He looked at Pepper, sure that his eyes were showing his worry. “It’s Tony, I told him I didn’t blame him and he kept saying that it was his fault, like he couldn’t believe me, then he gave me a new suit and left. He didn’t say where he was going.” Peter said quickly.

Pepper hid her worry, but for a second or two it showed fully.  
“I’ll go after him. I’m sure he just went outside. I’ll make sure to tell you when I find him,” she promised Peter and then left the tower.  
Pepper had only said that to calm or reassure Peter, but really... she was worried too. She had no clue where Tony would’ve gone.

It took a few minutes before she thought of an idea. She’d already gotten in her car and started to drive when she let the car take over, Tony had added self-driving tech to it about a year ago and had continuously updated it up until he and Peter had gotten abducted.

She checked her phone, then checked social media. She would’ve smiled when the plan worked, people were already posting that they’d seen Tony and ‘he was back from the dead’ or ‘he was ready to face his crimes’, but then she saw where he’d been seen.  
A bar, one of the more popular ones. 

What was Tony doing?  
Pepper had no idea. She drove as quickly as possible without breaking too many laws.  
When she got there there was another problem: there wasn’t any parking, even illegal parking.

She parked a block or so away, then got out of the car and walked quickly to the bar.  
Pepper immediately started to look for Tony in the crowded bar, but even after at least 15 minutes she couldn’t find him.  
This was a somewhat big place and it was packed, except for at the center where the bar was, and at the dance floor.  
So it took 15 minutes for Pepper to get through the crowd and she sighed in relief when she saw Tony at the bar. She almost stopped in her tracks when she saw he was with someone. A guy.

She got worried, even more so than when she couldn’t find him, when she saw that Tony took a drink from the guy. Pepper hadn’t seen the guy add anything to it but that didn’t mean that he hadn’t.  
But Tony was smiling, and he seemed happy. Which… given he had been locking himself in the lab for the last month… it didn’t sit right with her. And he wasn’t forced to be here...

Still, Pepper wanted to make sure Tony actually wanted to be with this guy, so she approached him and the man.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: non consensual drug use, use of date rape drugs, implied rape

Pepper approached Tony and the guy. She put a hand on Tony’s shoulder to get his attention.  
“Tony? You should probably get back.” She knew Tony wasn’t in his best frame of mind. And who knew what could happen if he stayed at the bar, maybe nothing, but to Pepper there was too much of a chance something bad could happen to Tony.

Tony looked at her. He looked dazed, out of it. “I’m good Pep.” He said, smiling.  
The smile... it looked like one of those that Tony gave to press people. It didn’t look real. And all it did, instead of reassuring her like she was sure Tony hoped it would, was worry her.

“You’re coming with me Tony, unless you really want to be here.” If Tony actually wanted to be here... Pepper knew from experience that he was stubborn.

Tony shook his head and turned away from her, starting to sip at the drink the man had given him.

Pepper sighed. “Tony... if you want to leave, then find a phone to use. Call me and I’ll come get you.” All Tony did was nod so all she could do was just hope he wasn’t ignoring her.

Pepper felt bad as she left, but she knew Tony wouldn’t budge and she was somewhat sure he was able to take care of himself right now. Hopefully.

She walked the block to her car and drove back to the tower. Before she drove away, she made sure her phone ringer was on, in case Tony did try to call.

Maybe Tony should’ve gone with Pepper. Maybe he should just... leave.  
But no. He couldn’t. He had to just let this guy do whatever he wanted.  
There were a lot of assholes in bars, especially this bar. It worked in his favor today.

Tony had seen the guy put something in his drink. The one Tony was currently drinking. But he just didn’t care.  
He just... he didn’t deserve to come out of what had happened mostly fine. Not after what Peter had been forced to go through.  
Tony deserved to be hurt. He deserved it because he hadn’t been able to help Peter. Because he had hurt, had begged to hurt, Peter.  
He needed Peter to blame him. But if Peter wouldn’t... he would make do with someone else.

Tony drank a few more of the drinks, and the guy didn’t spike any of the others. Finally, he started to feel really dizzy and out of it.  
That’s when he started to panic a little. Maybe he _should_ leave. But he couldn’t even think of where he was, or how to get out of here.

“Let’s get out of here,” the guy said. Tony’s vision had gone double but he could just make out the smirk on the man’s face.  
He stumbled as he stood and the guy ended up having to support him as they walked to the door. Tony was following him, he had to. He was too dizzy to even walk on his own.

Tony was led down the street to a hotel, then into an elevator and to a small hotel room.  
Then another guy walked in, smirking. His eyes had some emotion Tony couldn’t pin down. “Wait- I need to go-“ Tony said, panicking more when he was pushed onto the bed.

“Oh you won’t be going anywhere. We’ll drop you off near your precious tower after we’re done with you.” The first guy said, laughing. Why would he let Tony go? Tony drank the drinks. He wouldn’t have if he wasn’t just a slut that wanted to get fucked.  
And he expected to just walk out now?

The second guy held Tony’s arms down and they used some rope that they’d put in the room prior to tie his wrists to the headboard.  
They then pulled his pants off and tied his legs, which was difficult because he’d started kicking.

“‘op! Le’ me go!” Tony started to yell, although his words were slurred from the drugs and alcohol.  
A rag was put over his face. It felt kind of... wet.  
A minute or so later, Tony passed out.

The two had wanted to keep Tony awake, it was always more fun when people put up a fight. But they also didn’t want someone to hear the screams and call the cops.

Once they’d finished with him, they left Tony, naked but covered with a blanket, in the park about a block from the tower. They didn’t want anyone to find him too soon so they put Tony behind some bushes where most people wouldn’t notice him.  
They didn’t care if someone found him or not, they’d both gotten what they wanted.

Tony woke up to someone nudging him awake. It was Peter, who looked concerned at the state he’d found him in.  
What had happened to Tony?  
“Mr. Stark? Are you alright?” Peter asked, already getting his phone to call Pepper. He knew that she was worried, especially because Tony hadn’t come back to the tower last night.

“Hmm?” Tony mumbled. He felt horrible. His head was pounding and his ass, wrists, and ankles hurt.  
He still had the drugs in his system, so he really wasn’t thinking clearly.  
“‘M fine.” Tony hadn’t even noticed that he was in a park, naked and only covered in a blanket.

“Mr. Stark- Tony. You’re not fine. You’re in the park, it’s just past dawn. You’re obviously out of it and you smell like alcohol.” Peter said and called Pepper.  
He shouldn’t have talked to Tony when he was so fragile and close to snapping. If he hadn’t then maybe... maybe Tony would’ve stayed in the tower and not ended up like this.  
Peter could tell Tony was hurt, but he didn’t know how badly. He had a suspicion that maybe someone had got Tony drunk and raped him, but he really hoped he was wrong.  
Peter knew from experience how horrible that could be.

“I’m fine, Peter. Really. I just have to get a taxi and go to the tower.” Tony said, opening his eyes and looking at Peter.  
Why did Peter look so worried?

Pepper answered her phone. “Peter? Is everything alright?” She knew Peter had gone out for a walk, and hadn’t been expecting for him to call.

“I found Tony... he’s in the park. Can you send someone to pick us up?” Peter asked.

Tony didn’t argue. He felt like shit, and he probably should get back to the tower before people or cameras showed up.

“I’ll send Happy. How’s Tony? Will he at least be okay until he gets to the tower?” She didn’t know what to do if he wouldn’t be. Well... she would send Bruce and go herself. But that would just bring attention to them. And if Tony was badly hurt he didn’t need that.

“Yeah... I think he’ll be alright until then. But I’m pretty sure someone ra- hurt him, and then dumped him here.” Peter knew Pepper would get what he meant, or at least he hoped she would.  
Tony seemed out of it and Peter didn’t want to make him panic by telling Pepper that he was pretty sure Tony had been raped.

“I’ll tell Bruce.” Pepper replied.  
“Happy-“ she was about to continue

“I see him. We’ll be at the tower in a couple minutes.” Peter knew they were only a block away, two at most.

“Okay. Call me if there’re any issues.” Pepper said, only waiting for Peter to agree before she hung up.

Happy got out of the car and went to them, looking worried. “Help me get him to the car,” he said to Peter.  
Tony glared half heartedly at them and tried to get up by himself, but fell almost immediately and the blanket slipped down to his waist.

Peter helped Tony up. Tony was still stumbling but he didn’t fall again, and Harry pulled the blanket back up and held it there so it couldn’t just fall off of Tony completely.

They got Tony into the backseat of the car and Peter got in with him, buckling Tony and himself in before Happy drove them back to the Tower.

Tony was just staring off into space, his body shaking a little. He was in worse shape than he had been in the past month. Peter worried Tony might shatter if someone made the wrong move.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: descriptions of pedophilia and incest

It only took a couple minutes to get back to the tower. Tony looked at them, dazed, when Peter and Happy tried to get him out of the car but after Peter said something about sleep he cooperated.  
Peter and Happy helped him stand, and kept the blanket around him so that Tony wouldn’t fall over.   
“No, no no no!” Tony started to try to get away from them when Peter and Happy tried to help him get onto the elevator. They had to get him to the med bay, on the second floor, and quickly. So the stairs weren’t that good of an option.

“Tony we’re taking you to the med bay. Calm down.” Happy tried, both he and Peter still struggling to get Tony into the elevator.

“No!” Tony was weak from the drugs, although the effects were starting to weaken, but he was still fighting as hard as he could to get away.  
As far as his foggy mind was aware, an elevator meant going back to those guys.

Peter looked at Tony’s face and realized, surprised since he’d never really seen Tony crying before, that tears were running down Tony’s cheeks.  
“Happy? I can just carry him up the stairs.” With his super strength, it wouldn’t be that difficult.  
Seeing Tony hurt and upset... Peter wanted to make him more comfortable. Even if it might not be by a lot.

Happy nodded.

“Tony?” Peter asked. “No elevator. I’m going to take you up the stairs.” He said.  
Tony heard him and looked at him. He stopped fighting, and let himself be guided to the stairs.  
He tensed up and started to tell Peter to let him go when Peter picked him up bridal style, since Peter’s hand brushed against his thigh before Peter’s forearm went under his knees, but... being in Peter’s arms felt nice. He actually felt somewhat at ease for the first time in a long time.

So Tony let himself relax as he was carried up the stairs and to the med bay. By the time he was laid down on one of the beds, he was already asleep.

Bruce as well as Dr. Cho were both waiting when they got there, and didn’t show any major reactions when Peter carried Tony in, or when Peter sat in the chair beside the bed Tony was in, wanting to stay with him.  
Bruce put one of the hospital gowns he had on Tony then hooked him up to some things, to monitor his vitals. He ran a couple tests, to see if anything was in Tony’s system that would have to be taken care of. While the tests were running, they spent some time patching Tony up.  
Peter averted his gaze when they started to clean and murmur to each other about Tony’s wounds and what medication he might need.

“Dr. Banner? Will Tony be okay?” Peter asked, looking at Bruce and Dr. Cho.   
Peter was hoping that maybe... because Tony was drunk... maybe Tony wouldn’t remember what had happened. Or at least, what Peter was almost certain had happened.

Bruce frowned a little. “Honestly... I’m not sure. Physically he should be okay, but if he wants an alright chance at being okay mentally... he’ll need to start talking to a therapist.” Bruce said truthfully, aware that Peter would know if he tried to sugarcoat anything.

Peter nodded and sighed. Maybe he could talk to Tony again, and tell him how good the therapist was. That they respected boundaries and just let you talk, even if it wasn’t about why you were seeing them.

Bruce gave Tony an IV with the antidote for the drug in his system once the quick test came back. He also gave Tony something to get the alcohol out of his system so he wouldn’t feel completely horrible when he woke up.

“Wha’?” Tony groaned quietly as he started to wake up. Neither of the medications had started to take effect, and Bruce had only just been about to get the pain medication ready.

“Tony?” Peter asked, looking at him. He was hopeful that maybe Tony was groggy enough that the pain medication Bruce was about to give would kick in before he could start to feel a lot of the pain.  
Peter just didn’t want Tony to be in pain.

“Where- where am I?” Tony muttered. “Get away from me!” He said quickly when Bruce tried to put the next IV into Tony’s arm.  
Tony sat up and pulled out the two IVs that were already in his arm.  
Tony’s breathing was quick and his body was shaking. His eyes looked out of focus and dazed.  
He shook his head but it didn’t help with the blur in his vision or his headache.

“Tony, you need to lay back down. You’re going to be in pain in a few minutes if you don’t let me put this in.” Bruce said, hoping that Tony would see reason and not be too difficult.

“No.” Tony said and stumbled to his feet. He started to walk towards the door, almost running into the wall right next to it.  
He looked shaken and he was having trouble walking, Peter couldn’t help but wonder if maybe... maybe Tony was about to break down.  
Or maybe he already had.

“I’ll make sure he doesn’t get hurt more than he already is. Can you try to get Pepper? I know she’s good with helping him.” Peter said and went after Tony. He wanted to help Tony himself but he knew it was best if Pepper helped as well, the woman was Tony’s good friend and had known him for a long time.

Bruce called her, and by the time Peter managed to reach Tony, return him to his own room in the tower, and seated on the bed, Pepper walked into the room.  
“I’ll get some water and something to help with the alcohol. I don’t have anything to help with the drugs, but the immediate effects should be over by now,” she said, getting a glass and filling it with water, then getting two pills and putting them in the water. They started to dissolve almost instantly.

Pepper gave Tony the glass and coaxed him into drinking it.

Peter stood there awkwardly. He didn’t want to leave Tony until the man was okay, but he also felt like he was useless. He had no clue what he should do, or if there was even anything he could do.

“Peter? Can you get him some pajamas? It would be best to get him out of this hospital gown.” Pajamas would be much more comfortable for Tony to sleep in.

Peter nodded and, glad to have something to do, went over to the dresser and got Tony some pajamas.  
He then brought them back over to Pepper and Tony.

“Can you help him get dressed?” Pepper asked. “I have to go see if there’s any medicine Bruce wants Tony to take.” She was asking, not telling, because she knew Peter might feel awkward doing it. So hopefully if Peter didn’t want to or felt too awkward he would say so.  
Pepper could tell that Tony was on the edge of a panic attack. He was still trembling and his eyes were glazed over, his breathing quick. She wanted to see if there was something Bruce could give to calm him down.

Peter blushed lightly but nodded. “Yeah, I will Ms. Potts.” He said. She smiled some at him and left, closing the door behind her and going to the med bay.

“Tony? I’m going to change you into something more comfortable okay?” Peter asked. Tony’s head turned towards him but it kind of... looked like Tony was seeing right through him.  
Still, Tony hadn’t said no or seemed scared, so he took the hospital gown off of him and made sure that it covered everything below Tony’s waist.  
“Arms up please,” Peter said. Tony blinked a couple times before he did it.  
Normally Peter would’ve expected Tony to at least say something. No, Peter would’ve expected Tony to dress himself.  
Peter was just getting more and more worried that something was really wrong with Tony. Something big.  
He pulled the shirt over Tony’s head and then got the pants.  
Tony put his arms down, staring off at nothing, as Peter slid the pants to Tony’s thighs and folded the pants so they were above his ankles.  
“Tony? Can you stand up please?” He asked, looking up at Tony.  
Tony, again, blinked a few times before he did. He shakily stood up and Peter pulled the pants up.

“You can sit back down alright? Then I think Pepper is going to come back with some medicine for you to take.” Peter said.

Tony sat back down on the bed then shook his head. “I don’t want it.” He said, his voice much quieter and more... _shaky_ than normal.  
He was still trembling, almost like he was shivering. He couldn’t control it. But he also wasn’t cold.  
The pain was starting to get worse, as the drugs and alcohol found their way out of his system. He sat down.

“Please... you know it’ll hurt if you don’t.” Peter said, almost desperate. He knew Tony was stubborn but he didn’t want Tony to be in pain if there was anything that could be done about it.

“I don’t care. I deserve it.” Tony looked at Peter, this time it didn’t seem like he was just looking through him.  
“I more than deserve it. Please Peter... just... go...” he said. Tony felt like he was going to cry, and he didn’t want Peter to see that. He didn’t want anyone to see that he was completely pathetic.

“Tony... please. You don’t deserve it, you don’t deserve pain. Especially not that kind of pain. I know you blame yourself but it’s S- it’s Skip’s fault.” Peter’s voice almost cracked. He hated talking about Skip, he hated even thinking about him, but he would do anything to convince Tony that none of what happened had been his fault.

“I said _leave_.” Tony choked out, looking down and trying to hide his face from Peter. He couldn’t hold the tears back.  
Why was Peter being so nice? Why wouldn’t he just _blame_ him?  
Tony needed someone to blame him. He needed it. And it would just... it would just hurt more if it was Peter. He deserved that hurt.

Peter stepped back. “Please... I just want to help.” There was desperation in his voice. He didn’t want to leave when Tony was so obviously shattering.  
If he left and then Tony hurt himself or worse... he would never want to forgive himself.

“I don’t want help.” Tony said, his voice shaking. He let out a quiet sob, not able to hold it back anymore.  
“Please... go... leave me alone...” he didn’t want Peter to see him like this. He wanted Peter to hate him but... he never wanted anyone to see him like this.

Peter didn’t want to push him too far by starting an argument but he also knew that while Tony didn’t want him here, or at least _claimed_ not to want him here, someone needed to be present when the dam broke...  
Tony would need someone to be there for him, whether he realized it or not.  
So he didn’t leave. What he did was go and get some water, then set it on the bedside table before sitting down beside Tony.  
“Come here. I’m not going to say anything unless you want me to, and I won’t think anything bad about you.” Peter had a feeling that was at least part of the reason Tony wanted him to go.

Tony looked at him with teary eyes before, giving into what he actually was desperate to do, he scooted closer and hugged Peter, burying his head in Peter’s shoulder and let himself give in to the overwhelming amount of emotion he’d been holding back for years.

Peter was relieved Tony didn’t push him away, that Tony was letting him help.  
He wrapped his arms around Tony so he could let it all out.  
Peter could tell Tony had been holding everything in for a long time.

Tony’s hands gripped the back of Peter’s hood, like if he let go Peter would just disappear.

Peter heard the door open and a couple footsteps and he looked up. It was Pepper, holding a couple pill bottles and some type of medical form.  
She looked surprised but then smiled a bit and set everything on the bedside table, leaving without Tony even knowing she was there.

Tony couldn’t stop himself from thinking back, on everything.

All Tony could remember at first was his father. One of his first memories, when he was about five or so, was his father saying he wanted to play a new game. Of course, he was a kid. Why wouldn’t he want to play a game? Especially with his father, who rarely paid attention to him.  
The game was weird. His father had taken his cock out of his pants and told Tony to rub it, after showing him how.  
The game ended when some white stuff came out of his father’s cock. Tony hadn’t known what it was then.  
His father told him it was something all fathers who loved their kids did, and not to tell anyone because they might feel left out if their father didn’t or hadn’t done it with them.  
That’s how the game worked until Tony was… seven maybe. Well, sometimes his father would have him undress, but that hadn’t seemed weird. It was just his father after all. But when he was 7... his father started to touch him down there. He said it was a reward.  
Then, when he was 8, his father started taking pictures and even filming videos of their game.  
When he was 9 or 10... his father went further. He started to fuck him. All Tony had known at that age was that it hurt. He didn’t want to play this game anymore. But all his father did was promise him sweets and tell him not to cry because it didn’t really hurt.

Tony hadn’t believed him, it did really hurt, but he tried not to cry. This was something all fathers did with their kids, right? It was normal? Tony was just a crybaby for not being able to handle it.  
At least that’s what he thought.

When he was 11, he was pretty sure, he was taught at school about good and bad touches, and what to do if someone gives you a bad touch. They were also taught about consent.  
But Tony thought that those things only applied to adults, or between kids and strangers.

The next year, someone came to talk to them in a special assembly, and said that if any of them were being touched like this by anyone, an adult or otherwise, to come talk to her.

Tony didn’t. By this point his father’s friend, Obadiah Stane, had started to watch his and his father’s _games_ , sarcasm intended, and he didn’t want to make either of the men mad.

Then Stane started to join in, once Tony had turned 13.   
He could still remember the times his father left him with Stane instead of home alone. He could remember every time the man would fuck him, he would do it harder if Tony cried.

By the time Tony was 14 he knew how not to cry. He knew how to just zone out and zone back in a couple hours later, almost like clock work.

The next time he cried was when he was 17 and his parents were killed, although he was only crying because his mother had died.

Stane had fucked him in the bathroom at the funeral.  
Stane had blamed Tony for his best friend, Tony’s father, dying. 

Tony had tried to stay away from Stane but the man would come to his dorm room at least two times a week to have his fun with him.

After he turned 21, up until about 29, Tony could barely remember anything. Just blurriness.  
He was mostly happy about that, that way he had no memory of whether Stane continued to touch or fuck him.

It was in that time, through some of his less-fuzzy memories, he could remember partying and fucking pretty much any woman who wanted him to. Even if he hadn’t wanted to. The main point of that had been to fix himself, get rid of the feelings towards men that he was sure lingered because of his father and Stane.

It never worked.

Then Stane had him taken hostage and he’d ended up with an electromagnet stuck in his chest.  
Shortly after, Stane died. Tony had been relieved, but he’d acted like he missed the man.

He’d gotten with Pepper not long after, and things had actually started to get better.

Then the abduction... and he’d had to watch as Peter was raped. And he’d been forced to rape Peter himself.

How did Peter not hate him? How did everyone not hate him?

Peter didn’t know how long it was before Tony’s sobs started to get smaller and he started sniffling. He didn’t care how long it had been either. All Peter cared about was that he was there for Tony, and hopefully... always would be.  
But that was too much to hope for, especially right now.

Sure, Peter didn’t know everything. He didn’t know how much Tony had gone through, but just what he knew was a lot. He was certain there was more, but he wouldn’t push for information, and he definitely wouldn’t while Tony was so fragile.

Tony started to slowly let go of Peter’s hoodie.  
He felt... better. Like a big weight had been lifted off of his shoulders. He’d been allowed and able to just... think and let it all out for the first time in a long time.  
But he still felt the guilt of what he had let happen to Peter. Of what he had _done_ to Peter.

“I’m still sorry... I should’ve been stronger and not given into what they wanted. Not hurt you.” He would regret that for the rest of his life. He was sure of it.

“Tony... I know- I knew Skip. When he wants something, he plans meticulously for every possible turn until they all end with what he wants.  
He wouldn’t have given up. So please, don’t blame yourself for any of what happened Tony. Please.” Peter said. He didn’t want to let go of Tony yet, and Tony had barely moved, so he didn’t seem to really want to be let go.

“You... you knew him?” Tony asked. His voice was quiet but it wasn’t anywhere near as shaky as it had been before.

If Peter had known Skip... then that definitely hadn’t been the first time Skip did something to Peter.

Peter’s eyes glittered with pain but he nodded. “He babysat me for a few years, when I was younger. And before you ask... yes. He did.” He knew Tony might ask or at least suspect, so he figured he might as well answer the question before it was asked.

Tony frowned. Skip had called Peter ‘his little Einstein’ and now that definitely made sense.

“Does May know?” If Peter was telling him before May... Tony hoped he wasn’t. He really didn’t know what he would do if Peter... trusted him so much. Not after everything he’d done.

“Yeah... I just told her recently, she knows.” Peter said.  
“You know Mr.- Tony. The therapist is really nice. He never made me talk, he let me talk when I was ready. He really helped me.” Peter said, looking at Tony.  
He knew talking to a therapist would be good for Tony, but convincing him to do it was the hard part.

Tony sighed. “I don’t...” he was about to just outright say no, but maybe it was the fact that it was Peter telling him instead, because this time... he felt like maybe... he should at least give the therapist a chance.  
“I’ll give him a chance.” He agreed before thinking much about it.

If Peter didn’t hate him, then... this was his second chance. He didn’t want to mess up and make Peter actually hate him.  
That need for Peter to hate him... it was gone, maybe because he wasn’t overwhelmed with emotions anymore. Sure, he still felt like Peter should hate him for what he’d done, but he didn’t desperately need it.

Peter smiled and hugged Tony a bit tighter for a couple seconds before releasing his grip again.  
“Thank you,” he said warmly.  
He cared about Tony, loved him even, and he was glad that maybe... maybe Tony would be okay.

Peter still wasn’t completely back to normal, and he didn’t expect Tony to go completely back to normal either. But being okay didn’t always mean going back to normal.


End file.
